Title: Choosing You
Author: Nadja Lee
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: “X-men” and all the characters here belong to Marvel , 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set after the movie. Set immediately after “Losing You”
Universe: Set in the movie universe. Only the movie NOT the book that goes with it!
Pairing: Scott/Rogue, Scott/Jean, Ororo/Logan
Summary: Scott tries to live with the changes in his life…and Rogue is there to guide him.
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee@usa.net
Rating: R
Dedicated to: Angel-Love. Hope you like!
As always thanks to Christina for the Beta. If I should have forgotten it; also thanks for the Beta on “Losing You”
Note: Sequel to “Losing You”. You need to read that one first.


 
Scott still couldn’t believe that Jean was gone. He had dragged himself to bed at 4 in the morning but hadn’t been able to sleep. The bed was so big and so empty. So cold. He kept thinking of Jean, imagining seeing her walk through the door and tell him it was all just a bad dream. But she didn’t. Yesterday she had been alive. It seemed an eternity ago. He had been happy and content. Been secure in his happiness. Now he had lost it all and the only one he could blame was himself. It was all his fault.

That one sentence; ‘It was all my fault’, rang in his mind and threatened to drive him mad. He sat on the bed, rocking back and forth, looking at the wall with a picture of him and Jean but not seeing it. Tears ran down his face as he kept reliving the worst moment of his life; the moment he had killed the woman he loved.

Damn it all to Hell, he thought hotly and threw his glasses into the wall, keeping his eyes tightly shut. These eyes, his eyes, were what had killed Jean.

I can’t live with this pain, this guilt, he thought desperately as the guilt and pain was about to strangle him.

He felt like he was drowning, like he was dying. With a calm that surprised even himself he knew what he had to do. His eyes had killed Jean, it seemed only fair they should also kill him. He knew his eyelids were immune to his power but he didn’t know if the rest of his body was too. In that moment he wished it wasn’t. He was sure he should die from this agony inside and in that moment he wished he would because then he’ll be with her again.

I love you, Jean. Forgive me, he thought sadly and opened his eyes, his head bent so he was facing his stomach and his legs he had curled up under himself. A red beam shoot from his eyes and reached the bed he was sitting on.

“ What the Hell was that?” Logan yelled at he ran out in the hallway from his room. Ororo came from her room across from his. He was wearing only boxers and she was in a long white nightdress, making her look as beautiful as if she was going to a ball and her beauty did not go unnoticed by Logan.

“ It came from Scott’s room,” Ororo said concerned as they ran towards his room.

He’s very handsome, Ororo couldn’t help but notice about Logan and a blush coloured her cheeks that Logan saw and he smiled at her.

Out of breath, they reached Scott’s room. We should never left him alone, Ororo thought, but he had seemed ok. Nowhere near fine but in control. Ororo tried to open the door but it was locked.

“ Scott, are you okay? Open the door, please,” Ororo said worried and when he didn’t answer Logan pushed her to the side.

“Let me,” he growled and with a thought his claws appeared and he forcefully opened the door. They both ran in and saw Scott sitting on the floor or rather what was left of it. Most of the bed and the floor under it was gone and Scott sat in the middle of the chaos, his eyes tightly shut.

“Scott?” Ororo asked concerned and knelled beside him. He didn’t even turn his head to look at her. His lips was moving and Ororo leaned closer to hear what he was saying.

“ I killed her…I killed her…I killed her…” he kept mumbling again and again.

“No, you didn’t,” Ororo denied softly and shook her head but got no reaction.

“Here,” Logan handed her Scott’s glasses and Ororo gently gave Scott them on.

“What are we to do with him?” Ororo asked unhappily as they had both tried in vain to get any reaction from him. Logan had even tried to pop his claws right in front of him, a sight that should have shocked every normal person out of ten years growth.

“I don’t know, ‘Ro. But we’ll do it together,” Logan answered softly and looked sadly down at the broken man. If he ever got his hands on Mystique she was so dead. Her plan had indeed been brilliant, the Scott they knew seemed to be no more.

Ororo nestled against Logan’s chest, needing his warmth and strength in this nightmare. Logan mumbled calming words to her and stroked her silver hair and found he liked having her in his arms. He had missed a woman of his own. One to love and one to protect.

“ Rogue, how are you? Really?” Ororo asked concerned the next morning. Logan,

Rogue and Ororo eat alone in the kitchen this morning, thinking it was best.

“ Really? Terrible. Jean killed herself so Ah can live. I fell so….guilty,” Rogue said brokenly and tears ran down her face.

“ It’s okay, little one,” Ororo said softly and drew her into a motherly embrace.

“ How’s Scott?” Rogue sniffed. Ororo and Logan looked at each other.

“ Marie, Scott’s...not taking this well, “ Logan said as gently as he could. He saw the pain and guilt in Rogue’s eyes and wished he could make the whole terrible night go away.

“ It wasn’t your fault.”

“ It was,” Rogue cried and ran off.

“ Rogue!” Ororo called after her.

“ Let her go. She needs some time,” Logan said. It pained him to see her this sad.

“ And how are you holding up?” Logan asked Ororo softly. She had been so concerned with everyone else she had pushed herself last as always.

“ I’m fine.”

The answer was too fast, too smooth.

“ You needn’t lie to me, ‘Ro. Not ever, “ Logan said and took her under the chin so she was looking at him. She looked down.

“She was my friend,” she said sadly and felt tears coming to her eyes.

“ Then so shall it ever be.”

Someone had said it to him once when he had lost a dear one yet he couldn’t remember who had said it or who had died. The latter was probably a blessing. He was saddened by Jean’s death as well but he had only known her for a few months and he was so used to losing people he loved by now that pain and sorrow were familiar feelings to him.

“ I couldn’t save her. I should have. If only I had been a little faster. Had I just…”

“ Ororo, if there is one thing I know it’s that you can’t change the past and ifs and whys doesn’t help. Things is the way they are and that’s that,” Logan said softly as he stroked her cheek.

“Hold me. For now just hold me,” Ororo whispered and Logan put his arms around her. He knew she was grieving and anyone would have been fine as her comforter yet still he felt a flicker of hope. Maybe a Beauty could learn to love a Beast.

“ How is Rogue taking this?” Xavier asked Ororo and Logan as he joined them at breakfast.

“ Not good. And Scott…” Ororo began, hurriedly moving away from Logan and wiping her eyes.

“ I know. I feel his pain. His anguish. Last night he tried to kill himself. We need someone to look after him and try and bring him back.” Xavier looked out the window and saw Rogue sitting alone in the garden, crying into her hands.

“And I know just the person for the job.”

“Rogue? But she’s grieving herself,” Logan said surprised and a bit angry.

“Right now she only has her own pain to think about and it makes it bigger. She barely knew Jean. Of course she grieves for her and feel guilty but if she doesn’t think of anything else than Jean’s death, it’ll ruin her.”

The professor’s voice was soft and something that could have been tears glimmered in his eyes.

“But if she were to have someone to care for…someone other than herself to think about…It’ll help her get over her own grief,” Ororo ended for him as she caught on.

 
“’Evening, Scott. How have your day been?” Rogue said pleasantly as she entered his room.
Xavier had given her full responsibility for Scott’s recovery and the first thing she had done was move him into one of the guestrooms and take down everything that could remind him of Jean. After having heard that he had tried to kill himself with his eye blasts but that he was immune on his entire body to his own power, she had removed all sharp and pointy objects from the room.
After two days where she had spoken to him, showed things to him, he had started to move around for himself again. He still didn’t speak and kept to himself. So far she hadn’t been able to get him to go outside. First when Scott three days after Jean’s death had bumped into a table in his new room did she realise than even though he was wearing his glasses he kept his eyes closed. He had quickly learned his new room by the feel of it and could walk around in it without bumping into something. Scott had lived like this for nearly four months now. Rogue had forgotten her own grief and pain in her dedication to Scott and she had quickly come to love him like a mother a child or a woman her sick brother.
Xavier had excused her from all classes which she was happy for. She wasn’t into having to explain or be with the others right now. Ororo seemed better and Logan more happy. She wondered if something was going on between the two of them. They always seemed to look so intensely at each other at breakfast these days and a normal remark from Logan could get Ororo to blush like the other day where he had mentioned the stables. Now what was worth blushing about just because someone said ‘stables’?
“I thought we should go for a walk,” Rogue said softly as Scott had greeted her with a smile from his desk. His smile disappeared and he stubbornly shook his head.
“ Come on. It’s a nice evening,” Rogue tried to persuade him and laid her gloved hand on his shoulder. He shook his head again.
Okay, I’ve tried being nice for months and it didn’t work. Now I’ll try the hard way, Rogue thought.
“Ah think you are hiding behind your pain,” she said harshly and tried to ignore Scott’s tightening of his jaw, a common sign that he was displeased.
“You aren’t grieving Jean, you’re grieving yourself,” Rogue continued, knowing she was moving into dangerous ground. Scott got up from his chair and stared out the window, or rather didn’t as he still had closed eyes.
“You never loved her, you loved an illusion.”
The way Scott quickly turned around told her she had gone too far.
He advanced at her and frightened she backed up against the wall.
Scott drew a hand up and Rogue instinctively turned her head away from him. Scott reached out and forcefully turned her head back, in his anger and pain forgetting she was the untouchable one.
“Nooo, don’t,” Rogue cried as she felt his touch but as she looked at Scott gain he was still standing in front of her.
“ What???” Rogue asked confused and Scott turned his hands over. Somehow their mutant powers cancelled each other out. She could touch! She could finally touch. The joy was indescribable.
“ I ….can… touch you…” Scott rasped in wonder, his voice hoarse from lack of use.
“You talked!” Rogue said happily. Scott looked up and into her eyes, really looked at her from behind his glasses
“And you’re looking at me,” she added joyously. Maybe Logan was right; some tough love was all he had needed to be dragged up from the well of pity where he had placed himself.
“And I’m seeing the world’s most beautiful woman. Thank you, Rogue, for all you’ve done for me,“ Scott said, his voice soft and Rogue bushed.
“Ma pleasure,” she mumbled.
“ Well, now I guess you don’t need me anymore,” she added and tried to keep the sadness from her voice. She had known this one come one day; Scott was strong and she knew it couldn’t have lasted forever. Yet something in her had liked his dependence on her and the responsibility and importance she had gotten. Most of all she had enjoyed being with him.
She turned to go but Scott grabbed hold of her hand.
“ Don’t go. I still need you. I’ve….always been afraid to be alone. My…foster father used to beat me and lock me in a dark room, all alone,” Scott whispered softly, so lowly she could barely hear him. Why had he told her that? Because he wanted her to stay? Or simply because after so many years and all that time with only his own thoughts and memories to keep him company he needed someone to talk to? Or maybe because after so long without speaking, he had forgotten what was said out load and what was meant to only be a thought? Probably all of the above, Rogue figured.
“Of course Ah’ll stay,” Rogue said at once and her eyes filled with love and compassion.
Later that night, Scott and Rogue laid on the two beds that had been placed in his room and where Rogue and slept next to him for the last four months; ever since Jean’s death. For the first time ever Scott reached out through the distance between the beds and caught hold of Rogue’s gloved hand. Holding on to it, he found his first peaceful sleep since Jean’s death.
 

Things had slowly returned to normal after that in the Mansion, with some changes. Scott returned to teach his classes and lead the X-men and Rogue began in school again. Luckily Scott helped her catch up on all she had missed. It had been six months since Jean’s death and Rogue still slept in a bed next to Scott’s so he wasn’t to be alone. Scott’s unique mixture of being vulnerable yet strong fascinated Rogue and she had discovered that she was slowly falling in love with him.
Talking about love…She still had her suspicions about Ororo and Logan but they weren’t talking.
“’Morning, Marie. Two eggs and a slice of bacon?” Scott greeted her as she came down to breakfast.
“ Yes, please,” she said and Scott prepared her breakfast.
“ I was thinking of making a quiz in English literature next Monday. What do you think?” Scott asked as he put their breakfast on the table and they both started eating. Scott was an okay cook in lack of having Remy nearby.
“ Good idea but nothing on E. A. Poe. He’s impossible to understand and we only had one poem by him,” Rogue answered honestly. Scott often asked her advise which she was happy for. She knew she should encourage him to open up to others than her but she liked having him to herself.
“ Okay. Have you seen Ororo and….”  Scott began but stopped as thunder suddenly sounded over the Mansion.
“ I think we have found her,” Scott said and he and Rogue ran to Ororo’s room.
“Ororo, you alright? We heard a …” Scott began as he and Rogue burst into the room and saw a naked Ororo dressed only in her long white hair which had grown very long over the past months and which fortunately covered the right places.
Ororo’s bed was messed and Logan stood in front of her only in boxers.
“ Oh, ma God,” Rogue uttered shocked. Both turned and looked at them.
“ What is going on here?” Scott asked, not sure he wanted to know.
“ What the fuck are you doing here?” Logan growled dangerously.
“ Remove yourselves from this room,” Ororo demanded harshly, her eyes white.
“ WHAT is going on here? Why are we having a local storm that if it gets much stronger will tear the house down?” Scott demanded to know, raising his voice to be heard over the others.
“ None of your business, One-Eye,” Logan grunted lowly.
“ When you’re about to ruin the Mansion I ‘m making it my business,” Scott gave back and Rogue smiled at him. She had worked hard to give him back his self confidence after the ordeal with Jean and she now felt it had bore fruit.
“ I’m pregnant,” Ororo said and a pin could have been heard dropping to the floor.
“ Come again,” Scott got out.
“ I’m pregnant,” she said louder, defiance in her voice.
“ Okay, okay, relax,” Scott hurriedly said as the clouds darkened even more.
“ Then why aren’t we celebrating? Ah think its cool,” Rogue declared.
“ Because Logan refuses to admit the truth,” Ororo spat out and a flash of lighting cut down a tree in the garden.
Logan…Logan and Ororo. Now he could die a happy man for he had seen everything, Scott thought shocked. As yet another tree fell Scott and Rogue turned accusing glances at Logan.
“  What? I just asked if it was mine,” Logan growled and Scott could feel a headache coming.
“ Wouldn’t you know….be able to….smell…” Scott blushed deeply and Logan smirked at him “ … if anyone else but you had touched her?” Scott ended, giving Logan an annoyed stare.
“ Well…yes,” Logan admitted , feeling foolish. He hadn’t thought when he had asked Ororo, he had just wanted to be sure in his happiness.
“ Well, that should settle it then,” Scott declared but Ororo still had a thunder going. Logan looked at her.
“ Then say you’re sorry, god damn it,” Scott hissed as thunder rolled. Logan growled warningly at Scott. As Logan went over to Ororo, Scott sensed it was time to leave and he and Rogue quickly exited the room.
“ ‘Ro, I……I’m sorry,” Logan mumbled and the weather immediately got better. “ I was just scared. I’ve never had anyone. I just wanted to be sure. …I don’t want to lose you. I love you,” he admitted honestly and looked her in the eyes.
The sky got clear and the sun was shinning.
“ Oh, Logan. I love you too,” Ororo said with a smile as the last of her anger disappeared. Logan opened his arms in open invitation and Ororo went to him and he closed his arms tightly around her.
“ Don’t leave me. Don’t ever leave me,” he mumbled against her silver hair.
“ I never will. WE never will,” Ororo promised softly and included their child in her statement and hugged him close. Logan drew back and Ororo looked puzzled at him.
“ I’m afraid I’ll squash it,” Logan said softly and Ororo laughed.
“ You won’t.”
“ Well, shouldn’t you be sitting down or something? You’re…” He pointed to her still flat stomach.
“ Pregnant, love, and I can stand.”
But Logan would hear nothing of it and lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the bed and lay her softly down upon it.
“Thank you for this gift,” Logan whispered and gently kissed her stomach.
“And thank you for your love,” he added and kissed her lips and they didn’t come out from Ororo’s room until much later.
 

“ I would never have guessed they had been together,” Scott said disbelieving as he and Rogue went from Ororo’s room.
“ Ah thought about it but still…” Rogue said. Ororo and Logan. Who’ll have thought that?
 
“You still want to go to the gallery today?” Rogue asked as they had eaten the rest of their breakfast. Scott looked very thoughtful.
“ Hmm? Yes, later. There’s something I need to do first,” Scott said determined and left a puzzled Rogue at the table.
 

Scott went over the cemetery and found Jean’s grave. There had been nothing left to bury so they had had to bury an empty coffin. Scott had never been here before. It was as if as long as he didn’t see her headstone, some part of him could believe she was still alive. Now, he knew he needed to move on. He read Jean’s gravestone:
 
“ To my beloved Jean,
We never got to marry
But you have always been my wife in my heart.
I love you
Yours forever
 Scott Summers”
 
He laid the ten red roses he had with him at her grave. Ten, because this year it would have been ten years since they met.
“ Jean,….I still love you. I’ll always love you. But...I need someone and I…I think I’m falling in love with Rogue,” he spoke softly to her, knelling by her grave.
Is that alright with you? Can I love someone new without betraying you? Scott thought worried.
No voice answered him but a soft wind blew over the ground and made the leaves dance. He followed a leave with his eyes. Saw how it danced with a lot of different leaves but just as beautifully with them all. He knew it was Jean who had spoken to him and he smiled.
“Thank you, love. Thank you,” he said as he gently kissed her headstone before stood up again.
He felt the familiar pain and guilt over Jean’s death but it was fading even though it would always remain as a part of him. But he was controlling the grief now and not the other way around. He saw Rogue coming towards him and stopping right outside the cemetery, respecting his need for privacy.
He smiled softly and started walking towards her. It was autumn, yet the wind was mild.
Scott looked back once at Jean’s grave. The small bronze statue of a Phoenix he had asked to be placed on top of her headstone glimmered in the sun and tears came to his eyes.
Farewell, My love, he thought softly.
He remembered something he had once read and it reminded him of Jean:
 
It’s  a far, far better thing to do than I’ve ever done.
It’s a far, far better place to be than I’ve ever been.
It’s a far, far better rest than I’ve ever known.
 
Please, my love, be safe, be happy. Remember the love I’ll always hold for you in my heart even now.
 
Scott reached Rogue and she smiled at him and put her arms around him and he drew her into a kiss. Losing one love and finding a new. I’ve been cursed and blessed at the same time, Scott thought as their lips meet. As he deepened the kiss, his love for Jean gave way for this new love for Rogue.
There were no comparison, he’ll always love Jean but Rogue was his new love. His new life. Together they would built a new world. Just the two of them. They’ll make it through.
Together, they’ll reach the stars and take down the moonlight.

 
The End