Daddy, please don’t cry

Daddy, daddy

Please don’t cry

I see him sitting by the table in the kitchen, his head is bent over a cold cup of coffee and I see trails of tears on his cheeks. I stand on the other side of the open door, not knowing what to do. Scott has always been strong, strong and silent. Him and me are very alike, we do not voice our emotions but show them through actions. Never ever have I seen my father cry. What shall I do? I hated him, for so long, I blamed him for so long. For so long all I saw was my own pain at his betrayal, at his abandonment. Now I can see him in a new light. Now he is abandoned and lost but unlike me he has no one. I had Slym and Redd. They were good to me…and they were you. You and…. her. I know what and who my mother was but still I grew accustomed to Jean…Oath, I should have seen this from a mile away. It was never you she wanted. It was him. Logan. Just the mention of his name and I want to kill him with my bare hands. And her too. That two timing bitch. So you have changed after your “death”, so what? That gives her no right to do this.

With my eyes I follow a tear as it leaves a trail down his cheek. I know not what to do. You are supposed to always be strong. I’m supposed to always be strong. Why does your tears disturb me so?

Why are children always first

To feel the pain

And hurt the worst

It is cruel

Somehow

It just don’t seem right

Tears…I have seen so many of them. Women crying for their dead children, men crying as they die but never have I seen a man cry out his heart as you do. Father, please don’t cry. The thought runs through my head before I can stop it. I wonder, how many times have you cried alone? Did you often sit by a window, the moonlight making your tears shine like silver as they fell? Did you cry for your own pain or someone else’s?

I have seen so much injustice. Before it was whites who felt superior to coloured, some still do. Now it is humans feeling superior to us. I wonder if those black children felt the pain that mutant children feel now as they try to hide in the shadows, hide from view? I wonder if somewhere inside them they felt a shame over which they were as we do now? Does everything go in ring? Does nothing good ever last?

Daddy, please

Don’t cry

You still have me

And together

We’ll find

A bran new mommy

I thought I had one certainty in this crazy world and that was who you two were and how you felt for each other. Maybe it was all our fault. None of us wanted you to change. Sure, we could change and grow but Cyclops? No, we all needed you to be as you have always been; one safe and never changing thing in a crazy world filled with uncertainty. But you did change. Who can blame you? Running around with memories not your own, memories of killings done by your hands yet they are not your hands. It that the nightmares you see? Do you fear his return…or do you fear that you’ll enjoy those memories so much that you’ll want to remake them? Do you fear the evil from your dreams and memories? Was that why she left? Couldn’t she take your change? Or couldn’t you open up? Were you afraid that you’d run when you saw what your mind hides? Are you still afraid? Do you cry these tears for her…or for yourself? Do you feel a pain inside you like nothing you have ever felt before or do you just feel…empty…lost?

Don’t cry, daddy

Daddy, you still got me

Daddy, daddy

Please laugh again

I have never seen you cry before yet maybe I have always seen it. Somewhere deep in your soul, somewhere deep in your heart, there were tears. Tears for all of us and tears for your fate. Were some of those tears for me? Have you hurt like this before? Did you hurt like this when you left me? When you left mother? Looking back was it worth it? Was it worth leaving mom and me for her? For Jean. Was your love worth losing me? Did you love her more than me? Do you still love her more than me? Can we make it through just you and me…or will she still stand between us? Can I finally get to know you? Or are you afraid?

I now know what I want from you. I have known since I saw you the first time. Before I wanted you to hold me; I wanted you to tell me everything was all right. I wanted to have memories of this. I wanted to remember you buying me an ice cream and teaching me how to run on a bike. But that is not to be. And I blamed you for that. My wishes have changed. Now I want to know you. Now I want to see you smile and laugh with me. Knowing what I want I step into the kitchen and father looks up at me, tears still in his eyes.

“Dad, don’t cry,” I whisper as I go to him. We can do this together. Somehow. We can make it through. We will make it through. No more blame, no more maybes, no more yesterday. Just…. just you and me.

Don’t cry, daddy

You still got me

Daddy, please laugh again

Daddy, please don’t cry
 

The End