Title: I Don't Eat Meat, Bub.
Author: Autumn
E-mail: eddievedderismylife@hotmail
Summary: Logan sorts out some misconceptions about him.
Author's Notes: ANOTHER sillyficlet.  I swear, these things are vicious.  They pop up at the weirdest times.  Here's where this one comes from:  (it's a joke)
Two cows were standing in a field, leaning over a gate.  The one cow chewed her cud thoughtfully and turned to her
companion. `So, what do you think about this whole "mad cow" disease thing?"
The cow turns and says, "Why should I care?  I'm a helicopter."

Logan Point of View

There are a lot of things that people think about me that ain't true. Truth be told, it pissess me off. Honestly how the hell would you feel if someone said that you were a wacked out dendrapheliac who snorted coke and had a predilection for Teletubby dolls? You wouldn't fuckin' like it. So I'm gonna let you in on some shit. Listen up bub, I'm only gonna say this once.

1. I'm a total slut.

Goddamnit. This one really makes me mad. So I wasn't exactly a monk, big fuckin' deal. I admit I had my share of uh, fucking, but I've changed. I met Marie six months ago. The only sex I've had since then has been with my hand. So there's that stupid stereotype out the damn window. When I get back to New York, I fully intend to have some good, hard, love makin' with my Marie.

2. I'm an idiot.

So I only remember the past 15 years of my life. I don't remember going to school, and all that shit. People look at me and think I'm one of those brawny, not brainy guys. That irritates the hell outta me. If people took the time to get to know me, they'd realize that I'm not some throwback from caveman days. I have a brain, and I like to use it. Just cause I don't talk all that much, or speak correct English, it don't mean I don't know nothin.' And yeah, I used a double negative there, so fuckin' sue me.

3. What I eat

The biggest thing that bothers me is people think I define the word "carnivore." Look bub, I don't eat meat. Yeah, yeah, big shock. But there's a damn good reason. I lived in the Canadian Wilderness for five damn years, before I realized I was a human. My only company was all the animals that lived in the forest. I killed to eat. Those animals gave up their lives, so I could fuckin' live. So, I don't eat meat now. It's a sign of respect. Yet any time I walk into a damn restaurant, the first thing the waitperson says is "Prime Rib is such and such, or, Our sirloin is blah, blah." I don't eat meat; I just wanted to make that pretty damn clear.

At least most people get one thing right, that I'm head over heels in love with Marie. I want people to know that. I like it when people know Marie's my girl. That's why I'm on this bike, heading back to Westchester. I wanna see her face again. Those big brown eyes, that pouty mouth. Well, and I'm kinda sick of jerkin' off all the time, and hopefully Marie'll take over that particular problem. Yeah, yeah, so maybe I am a horny bastard. But just remember I don't eat meat.